Picture Perfect

This weekend is a long one, allergies already had me feeling worn, then a weekend watching helplessly as Rory screamed in pain until he finally passed out in exhaustion and not being able to fix it, an evening at the ER and leaving without any clear answers, my nerves are shot.  

This isn't like him!!  He's not that kind of baby, he is my happy guy...

Then when I got a text (a text!!) from my mom saying she was going to miss the baby dedication because she was going to hang around and help their friend who had "knee surgery" with some house and yard work, on Mother's Day - well that was my final straw.  It crushed me to know I would look around that packed sanctuary and know there wouldn't be one relative there to support us... Not even my own mother!!  Not even on "Mother's Day."

Exhausted from the stress filled sleepless night before, this was supposed to be my day!!  And here I am, no sweet picturesque image.  My hair is falling out, literally.  Dark circles under my eyes, the years showing in the deep set worry wrinkles on my forehead.

I tried hard to plan this moment, everyone's outfits, the best picture... Moments before, I started falling apart.  Ally had sneakers on with her beautiful dress.  --Really!?  I didn't mean to snap at her, certainly not embarrass her, I was just shocked of everyone, she was the one I didn't think I needed to double check...I made her cry.  Geez what a fantastic mom I am. Then as if on cue, Rory threw up all over me.  No extra outfit, no time for a trip home.  Fan.flipping.tastic.

Could we just go home?  I am so broken hearted that not one of my family members made any effort to be here to support us.  I'm covered in baby vomit reeking of old formula and my loving daughter is in tears because of me, because of shoes!!  My family...So quick to 'like' all my Facebook pictures, such promising words and yet not one -not a single one came out to support us.  And the countdown starts.

I'm grateful for Tonya who somehow made a bouquet appear - "from Rory".  And offered to take me to lunch ... On her day.

For Carrie who asked me how I was and when I broke and the tears came, thank you for not walking away to avoid the awkwardness, instead for lovingly scooping up my sweet baby who we all know could "pop" at any time - and risking it happily, giving me a break.  *

Permission to take a break.  Five minutes to breathe, cry, get my crap together and paste on my composure - all without any judgement.   Thank you.

For all our friends who let me lose it and didn't pounce on me or avoid me, thank you.

That moment on stage looking around, knowing how beautifully far God had taken us.  Though our family was alone, we stand strong, though we aren't related by blood -this church is our family.  And we are surrounded, loved.  

I know I that there are so many "grandmas, aunties, nanas, yayas, uncles" and dear, dear, friends that beamed in pride and are here for us even when our own family isn't.

We aren't alone.  This is why I'm thankful.  My day wasn't as fairy tale picture perfect as I had hoped, but it's a day like today that shows me how blessed we are.